He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm like, not good at living.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
