i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
