I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
