Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
