Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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