If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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