Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
A+ Viking dick
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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