Barsexuality is the new black.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
