she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I stole a fireplace last night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
