Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
