I didn't shave. On purpose
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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