I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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