if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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