hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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