My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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