I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he puts the penis in happiness.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
