The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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