just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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