Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
