from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there was a trapeze. enough said
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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