his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
