just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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