I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
