I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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