no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
