this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
