if you like me you must not know who I am
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Found the puke drawer
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
