I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
