I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
