Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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