At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Drunk is a universal language darling
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
