I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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