Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
