There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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