I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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