They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
