It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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