I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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