He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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