I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
