I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
