A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
