where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
