She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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