he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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