My hand turned me down
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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