she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
