i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
