yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
