I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
