Dignity is for republicans.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
