guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
