Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Bring me that man meat
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
