he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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