He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
