We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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