You really coming over, don't trick.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
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I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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