Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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