Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
