How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
