That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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