Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
My balls are so social today.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
