:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
