Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
