I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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